I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
