Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
