Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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