I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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