I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
