So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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