Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
