This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
