Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
