So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
