Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
