Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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