a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
