I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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