Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
