You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
