I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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