Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
