remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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