How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
