yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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