Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
