I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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