I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
