...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
