If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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