Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
