Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
