i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
