Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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