I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
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I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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