saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
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Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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