Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
