i was born a porn star she said
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
