i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
