my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
