Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
