dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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