conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
They have beer where we have blood.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.