i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
