If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.