hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..