i jhust puked up my retainher.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
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So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.