If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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