Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
