My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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