I feel like abortions should bother me more
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
