hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
