we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
