Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
