oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
