Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
