i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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