So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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