i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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