If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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