Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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