He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
