She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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