Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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