New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
