He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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