the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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