I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
