You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
