i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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