the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've blown a few things in my day
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
