i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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