And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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