Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
