i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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