He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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