"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think your dad took our porno
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
