you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
