you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
