i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
