Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
