I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
