Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
