something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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