It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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