Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
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I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.