I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip