Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.