honey bunches of taint.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
