I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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